The Memorandum

Whatever reason you did that to her,

Is unforgivable and selfish, 

Everyone is wishing you will suffer,

Like getting dragged by the flames below,

Or get tortured in the abyss of hollow.

An idea of a remorseful punishment for eternity,

Is that her face will forever be in his memory, 

So it can haunt him as long as he breathes,

Even in his afterlife it shall not go un-seethe.

However keep this in mind my friends,

You must not hold dearly of this pain,

Move on and live so you won't meet the end,

I am a Christian so I should not condemn him,

And pray that God bless her soul and his sin...

...At least that's what I think she would want.

The Silencer...The Rage

So cold...I hated it,

I hated that he made those four frozen walls,

Even though he didn't really need it,

I sighed because he was still young afraid to fall,

But maybe one day he will need my help,

So I waited inside his frosted heart to melt.

So long...I held it,

I held all the red thoughts from his sounds of silence,

Stubborn about the mistakes you won’t admit,

Yet you always try to fit into the residence, 

Damn boy, don’t you see you’re fooling yourself?

Stop craving for attention you wannabe elf.

So lost...I felt it,

I felt that he was at his limit of the edge,

With hope crushed sinking in the pit,

I had to pull himself together over the ledge,

But even so, he still refused to acknowledge me,

So foolish! What is it that he still can't see? 

SoFool…he named it,

He said it was for GunBound but I think otherwise,

But then again he started to change bit by bit,

I guess he learned something from the thorns and lies,

Well what’s life without pain right?

Come to think about it…this room has become really white. 

So far…he’s living it,

For so long being the silencer roaming around,

With many thoughts of “I quit.”

He didn’t because I won’t back down,

Now redeemed and headstrong,

I can let go all of the rage and move on.

My Wish

Every year we all have new year resolutions and wishes,
You wish you will be a boss following the footsteps of your father,
He wishes that he will be a super hero when he grows up,
She wishes that she will be a famous actress or be a good mother,
Well...we wish all sort of stuff like winning a World Cup.

There are times that I wish I was a progamer, and it's true it will take forever to reach to the top level of the South Koreans' level. Unlike Malaysia, they are blessed with a gaming culture and facilities for their training, they have sponsors supporting their leagues and even the games are broad casted live on television where thousands of young screaming fans come and cheer for their heroes. If I have enough money, I would fly to there now at participate the 3rd and 4th season of Global StarCraft 2 League right now since I'm having my semester break. Heck knowing myself I would put all my blood sweat and tears to win, even if I lose at least I would put on a good show to entertain the crowd, representing Malaysia with pride and for the Swarm as SoFool.

There are times that I wish I was a rock star, I have always dreamed about being one because I love rock. In Malaysia, doing a music business is tough because of piracy is. Many look down on the profession thinking they are just hobbies and a waste of time, leaving out the rockers out living a hard life unable to have a good time with the fans like in Rock Am Ring. I have dreamed myself playing some of my favourite popular rock songs as if they were my own, having my own independent rock band because we don't want to be commercialized by the music label limiting what we want for our fans. We would sell our songs and albums through iTunes (or other similar programmes) and our website for any price that our fans want to pay, it worked really well for Radiohead so why not? We would interact and keep in touch with the fans to represent what they feel through the internet as a rock band who reach out to the troubled youths.

There are times that I wish I worked in Blizzard Entertainment, being a sc geek I can help the development team for the sc2 franchise's story and direction. I can help on how to make Zerg and Protoss concept and design badass as Terran's, I can tell them why making it into a trilogy with each race of their own product is a bad idea, because they should just go on with the usual three race linear story line with the new game play mechanic, and still go ahead with the trilogy which is an even awesome idea and gift for the fans. I can also help to promote e-Sports within South East Asia, starting in Singapore since there is already a Blizzard HQ there. Unfortunately in Malaysia, the majority don't see the potential and strength of the gaming industry and e-Sports, as it is a fact that the gaming industry earns more than the movie and music industry combined. I wish to be like Boxer who made e-Sports possible and a sc2 forum moderator who talks to the fans often as a proud Blizzard employee.

There are times that I wish I was a football player, I'm not talking about playing the big leagues like the Primiera La Liga, Italian Serie A or English Premier League, although it would be really sweet. I like football and played a lot of games with my friends during my high school years even if it mean skipping class. Although there are some nice love for the game in Malaysia, but nobody really watch the leagues because of the lack of audience since they suck, heck we even need an entire country just to face a football club. One of the things that I deeply regret not doing in my university years is declining Ralph's offer to join a football club, because I wanted to focus on my studies and save my family's car patrol cost being a cheap person that I am. If I didn't decline I would have a sport to play together with my friends instead of slowing losing contact with them, and most importantly I would continue my tradition and reputation terrorizing the right and left wing as the Speed Demon.

There are times that I wish I was a film maker, actually I'm considered one since that's what I do in my course. But I just don't have the equipments to do them because they are so freaking expensive, actually I wasn't really into film making until a few months ago when Mr Rama resigned, one of my regrets is not joining the filming competition with Curtin because chances like that don't come often. Pursuing a film making career in Malaysia is another problem because of piracy (tight budget) and its strict religious law, they want us to censor so many “inappropriate” things like kissing (gosh you pussies). Makoto Shinkai and Wong Fu Production are my main inspiration for film making, I want to make videos and create meanings to send a message with my camera (which I don't have), I will post them on my YouTube account and share all the crazy and funny stuff, mind blowing and sugoi (it's a Japanese thing when something awesomely meaningful moment happens) scenes with my brother for the people and especially my friends who don't know how to entertain themselves as ebiL Entertainment.

So here I am now stuck with my neck tied with a leash,
Unable to make them happen since it's obviously beyond my reach,
I know that I'm possibly not alone and the only one who's like this,
I also know I'm not suppose to be a loser giving up on my wish list.

But hey I'm fine being a gamer or a footballer with no fame,
Blizzard and the entertainment industry?
Heh they're just waiting for me you see,
So in the mean time I'll just be a fan and support them,
Because in a way they are representing me for what I am ^^

The Sentimental

If a person is happy a smile is formed on the face,

But if the person is sad then a frown comes with pace,

Emotion is often portrayed on our surface,

And also a place for our sentiment tones,

But do feelings have any shape of its own?

If feelings have a shape I think it could look empty,

It could look like your soul or my white room,

I tasted it before like when you have no will left,

Bereft of your life is what it feels like being death,

Sometimes people just want to get away from it,

So they space out and create their own world,

To hide from their insecurity of being weak,

It’s only natural that people are like pearls,

Like our hearts so vulnerable unlike a tree’s teak,

Well, I guess in the end we are only human.

If feelings have a shape I think it comes in many forms,

It could look like a hand clawing out of its soul,

With black flames devouring & out of control,

I saw it when I was writing my 17th poetry post,

Looking back seven of them were about you,

I wrote about how I loved you the most,

But this time there is no reason to,

Because all hope on you is lost…

Or maybe I didn’t have any hope to begin with.

If feelings have a shape I think it could look nostalgic,

It could look like burnt wings behind your back,

With feathers scattered around ash black,

I know whenever I paint these white black poems,

Looking back all of them were quite sentimental,

About how one longs for someone to come home,

How one’s paranoia makes the mind go detrimental,

And how small the hope is just by talking through a phone,

It happened to you before too didn’t it?

If feelings have a shape I think it could look optimistic,

It could look like a small flower popping out,

Trying to reach out to the sunlight,

Even though it is rooted deep in the blight,

I felt it before too like you & everyone else,

Looking at the past & never moving forward,

Wishing to stay behind in your fairy tale,

But nobody has the power to go backward,

So why don’t you just fly with the gale?

And let the wind bring you to a better tomorrow.

Now wouldn't you like to do that with me?

The Light

Hey…have you seen a light in that special someone?

Just by looking at her your heart feels warm,
No speaker box around & your head is playing a song,
Under a 'love at first sight' spell by her wand,
But just how beautiful it is of 'the one'?

Before there was light,
Our world was a starless night,
Peaceful yet empty with the moon’s absence,
That cool breeze kissing your heart,
Making you think you have a missing part.
Such nonsense…what essence?
You were never alone from the start,
Because around you there are many fireflies,
But you’re too afraid to touch them,
Especially of getting hurt from bright lies.

Instead of cutting ties burying it in the sand,
You should stretch out your hand,
And take hold of that small graceful ‘firefly’,
No matter how small it is drowning in the dark,
It’s more than enough to light a spark.

When it does the stars will twinkle,
As the night will become a new dawn,
Black skies burned radiantly by the sun,
Rays of hope flashing your fears unable to spawn,
Won’t you agree that at this time of the day,
It has a very beautiful view in its own way?
But that’s just only a piece of heaven,
Let alone your heart being taken.

…sigh,
It would be really nice...

To return to that paradise.