The Gift

The one you love can give you the most strength,

Can also leave you at your weakest,

And the love that inspires you to go such length,

Can also bring you down to the blackest,

So as our gift too.

My gift of remembering vividly and expressing through words,

Is not something everyone can do,

Through various art forms eventually, I can envision myself into many worlds,

Although imaginary, it feels wonderful, 

But sometimes...unpleasant.

Day 40, April 29th

I dreamed a dream when I was still in high school,

And you were by my side, so perfect,

Together with no words spoken, the world we already ruled, 

With you by my side, I will protect.

Then I suddenly dreamed I was in a grand prom, 

Everyone was there, but you,

I searched endlessly for you so I roamed,

In the end, they danced but us two.

Day 51, May 10th

I dreamed from where I left off, I was in a metropolis,

People, people everywhere,

Still no sight of you, my peace continued to cease,

  No air no air, such nightmare.

Day 90, June 17th

I then dreamed where I finally got a house,

In a countryside, the green grassy plains,

 Beautiful, just like how you wanted.

  I also dreamed an earthquake roared as quiet as a mouse,

In an instant, I heard you shrieking in pain,

Terrified, I've never felt so daunted.

And before the dream ended from being aroused,

In my delusion, I failed to see you again,

Let down, the cracked holes left me taunted.

Day 110, July 7th

I had a dream with my friends in a singing room,

Together, we sang sorrow,

And out of nowhere, you appeared by my side.

Eye to eye, as if we were staring at the moon,

Together again, we refused to withdraw,

With you by my side, our lips then softly collide.

Thinking back, I've always wondered what your kiss meant,

It felt so real and full of life, as if like it was God sent.

But why did it feel that it was the last goodbye?

I know I won't get anywhere if I try to ask why,
Even if you see me cry with your very own eyes,

As I know that was the very last dream about you,

Same goes to this poem too...

The last poem I'm ever writing being a lovefool.

So long.

The Seven

 A rainbow has seven colours,

But in actual fact there are many more others,

As our eyes are limited by four different receptors,

One each for red, green, blue and violet, no further.

Just like me, though I've met many attractive girls,

Only seven have made a difference in my world,

Like how guys would say “she's like a diamond to me.”

But in my case, I see their auras pretty differently.

First, there was light. She was the first to melt my frost armour,

I felt alive just as how the sun gives life to the flowers planted by a farmer,

She never fails to shine brightly whenever she flashes her smile,

It would make anyone run for her even if it was a thousand miles,

But like the distance between the sun and earth,

There were many just not good enough for her worth,

A decade long of chasing the unattainable dream,

A year long to build self-confidence through her gleam.

And a day to turn the rainbow, butterflies & falling petals,

Into skies of ashes, fake moths & paper flowers,

All she wrote was “We can't be together.”,

Though that time I was in the world of pain,

I adapted the bane and let it flow through my veins,

So to say, she was the first to make me crumble and fall,

Hey that's ok, because until today I still can't see her aura at all.

Lost my way, the black red thoughts blurred the rays,

For letting them roam that was the price that I had to pay,

Restless and no peace for me to lay, then came along a silver fay,

She's small and fragile, but it's so that she can sit on my shoulders,

To remind me to endure with the light in a mist of daggers,

So with her patience I stopped role playing the lone ranger,

So in return, I too, will look out for her if she faces danger.

So there was also this girl that I met in my first-year course,

Ever since then until now she became my right hand rose,

It's kinda funny coz back in high school she and I weren't that close,

Same goes to her too with her heart shut froze from foes,

Although both of them are the ideal girl that I'd like to have,

It's just that if I snatched her away I'd be convicted of theft,

And to pursue her out of bereft just wasn't right so I left.

Left to pursue somebody, someone like the sun to save my breath from death,

And true enough, through the dusk I was greeted by the stardust from above,

Enchanted then infatuated, I thought I was what she was looking for in love,

Blinded then disappointed, the feelings of going nowhere I quickly shoved,

But nonetheless, her stars still accompanied me through my continuous rove,

As a reminder not to lose hope no matter how hopeless it may seem,

As a reminder that I'm never really alone nor forgotten by Him.

I still remember you of course, and sometimes I wonder how you are doing,

Our past early mornings till the late evenings, the way we used to tell each other everything,

We had our cheesy moments and stings, but that was what strengthen our bond and feelings,

Despite a black wind took you away without letting me knowing why,

I just want to thank you for everything we went through even though there were no goodbyes,

I learn a lot about myself much better, I went through hell again to pick myself up again stronger,

I learn to love again with you, and thank you for the love you returned too,

You were the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, a painful blessing is what you were to me.

 So this ends my short story of the seven,

And how each step I got closer to heaven,

To the celestial six that I've mentioned,

This is how you ladies caught my attention,

Your power to bring us men to another dimension,

Out of love, we'd break our limits to a higher ascension.

Please don't ever stop shining :)

The Umbra

Someone once told a young man that,

“We've all got both light and dark inside us,

What matters is the part we choose to act on,

That's who we really are.” he said.

But how do we know if we are the dark just?

Or we secretly stand in the light of wrong?

Someone once burnt my soul so bad,

That it was then when my hollow-self was born,

The black rage resided itself within me,

It grew stronger till I stopped being sad,

Because by then the perfect sky was already torn,

And I accepted oblivion's embrace unconsciously.

Sometimes once in a while, I like taking midnight walks,

As I enjoy strolling through the dim lights in the alley,

With the soothing wind blowing and kissing my heart,

A time of reflection, a time of non-existing talks,

Would be nice to have company though like Jack and Sally,

But then again who is brave enough to journey in this shade of art?

Sometimes once in a while, a blackout would occur in this town of mine,

And the last time it happened, it lasted from dusk until dawn,

As night fell, the whole place was swallowed into the abyss,

Though some candles lit, I turned away not because I was blind,

But I felt whole again, as my apprehension was already long gone,

Whole again, as I returned to the form of essence which I missed.

Sometimes once in a blue moon, I would lay down and look at the stars...

Wait, what stars? They've never shown themselves to me in my blackest nights,

And if I wanted to see some lights, I would prefer to watch the world burn,

Watch the world burn for it brings me the warmth from my scars,

Watch the world burn for the people who gave me unfilled plights,

Watch the world burn for the wisdom, justice and love that I yearn.

Someone once shared a quote with me saying,

“The great thing to remember that,

Though our feelings come and go,

God's love for us does not.” she said.

Even so, I'm struggling and fighting hard from decaying,

But I guess the stars back then was to fill the hole,

Filled with its stardust, His creation I was in awe,

And why I wasn't meant for you...I guess someday we'll know.  

5 Kilometers Per Hour

"They say it travels at five kilometers per hour." she said.

He then looked at her with eyes wide opened, but not so obvious from her view. 

"It's going to the Minamitane launch facility." she continued, 

"Looks like there'll be a launch this year. First time in a while."

As the gigantic semi-trailer truck slowly passed by them, he then added 

"Yeah. It's supposed to go to the far reaches of the solar system."

"No matter how many years it takes..."

- A scene from the second arc of 5 Centimeters Per Second

As the year of the dragon ends tonight, I decided to check out what my facebook has to show me about my top 20 moments (life events, highlighted posts and popular stories) of this year. Turns out it was just full of sht and actually missed out my dramatic bed time story of this year. Sigh, fb y u dunno? 

Why is this post called 5 kilometers per hour, is not only is a reference to my fav movie 5 Centimeter Per Second. But also because during the whole year, life felt very slow and sometimes the things you faced or you're facing now can be done with. 5 km/h is indeed very slow, but eventually everyone will reach the finish line.

No matter how many years it takes.

There goes a Chinese belief that when a child of a (insert any Chinese animal zodiac) goes into the same Chinese animal zodiac year. It's usually bad luck. And me being a dragon in this year of the dragon. Boy did I have one heck of a roller coaster ride.

First and foremost, I am really grateful to God that I've finally finished my studies. Away with the books and useless theories that are rarely applied in life. I've always hated studying, but nonetheless I learn a lot from my course. If there're a few things I learn from Mass Communication and Marketing, it's 

1. Marketing taught me how to make people buy the things they don't need.
2. People tend to believe things online without doing research.
3. The media is a powerful double edge sword.
4. People are really taking media for granted. Btches pls, if we didn't exist you won't be able to watch your favourite tv shows and movies.

Overall, people are generally stupid. 

To my friends who are struggling with their academic performance, I believe in you. Life's a constant struggle, so stay strong and "burn" all the exam papers enemies that are to come. No matter how many years it takes.

Secondly, I also went through the test of friendship with many people. And I learned that the reason why I prefer to be quiet most of the time is not because I'm too lazy to say anything, it's because my tongue is also like a poison barb. The moment someone say anything contradicting or something that does not contribute to a potential meaningful discussion to learn, or something that they say they will do it but never came to be for 3 times in a row and giving lame excuses, I shoot them indirectly with or without realizing it.  

To those who were hurt by my statements before intentionally, I'M REALLY SORRY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART...that you're too egoistically stupid to cover up your lack of intelligence and honesty. I tried being really nice to tolerate their actions, but really sometimes they need a slap in their face to realize their bad habit and fix it.

Nobody likes losing friends of course, been there done that. I'm over that phase years ago, so to be honest I'm not sad to lose someone who cannot put up with me (not implying that I have a serious attitude problem btw haha), there's no reason to. However, to end a friendship like that is still sad. And to my former right hand, I prolly kinda screwed up the final cherry tree chapter and I apologized for the really mean things I said, but you should know why I did that because of your repeated bad habits. Not really sure if you read that msg in Skype or not, I dunno about you but I feel more peaceful now. So yeah, the show must go on.

No matter how many years it takes.

And lastly, about my third fall from the tree and being haunted by it. Actually, there is a third and final sequel to sum up this trilogy cherry tree story. And it's so mind blowing that if I could I would really want to blog about it but...hmm...I dunno, felt like it actually hasn't ended yet or I'm pretty sure it already did. Anyway All I can tell you guise and girls is that things didn't work out, the truth was also revealed, and I've yet to receive a sincere apology from the both of them in person. If you want to know the full details, pm me and I shall tell you the final chapter.

Back to the dialogue at the start of this post, the reason why the male character had his eyes wide opened (like a sudden realization moment) was because when he was with his first love. She said something similar which is, 

"They say it's five centimeters per second." she said.

Puzzled, the boy asked "Huh? What is?"

She then answered
"The speed at which cherry blossoms fall. It's five centimeters per second."

They say that, everyone struggle the most to get over their first relationship. But I beg to differ, actually in fact it is their first love (which happens to be their first relationship most of the time) that everyone struggle the most to get over with. I can understand that very well, since she was the one that I truly loved the most among the three maidens with their ever glowing aura including her. I actually really hoped for a sweet good ending for this end of the year, I have written wonderful scripts for several occasions. But unfortunately, she had written several different ideas to the script as well. Which left a bitter mark on the ending. 

Just like this one.

Despite the bitter ending, it's still a better love story than twirite.

And with the curtains closed, there's no more reason to stay on the stage anymore.

Tears with no cheers and a single rose, one must still take a bow and exit the door.

For the lessons learn from this act, I shall be firm as an anchor and face the coming war.

No matter how many years it takes.

The Dragon

I wonder how many times has it been,

That I've imagined myself as death, destroyer of worlds,

Summoning suffer and pain while my face grins,

With my heart ever so joyous and keen.

An imagination of a child? No, it is not.

It's how everyone's head feels when it's hot,

Especially when you feel like punching your boss's face,

Or being abused for no reason from that horrible place,

Or when your patience just snapped releasing the rage.

Should I be like the fire?

The flame that hungrily consume everything in its path,

I may be slow in moving but I am full of wrath,

Especially when they scream in fear so intense,

Fueling me up scorching the heat bringing the menace, 

Like me, some men just want to watch the world burn.

Or should I be like the water?

The flood that rains down souvenirs of sadness of mine,

I may not be threatening at first but in time,

They shall be drenched in depression then drown in the abyss,

Icing their hearts with the frost of kiss,

Leaving them cold and restless makes me bliss.

Or maybe I should be like the wind?

The hurricane that blows and throws you like a rag doll, 

I may randomly move around and miss but when I don't,

They shall taste the twisting vortex of the tornado,

Ripping and silencing out their cries into nevermore, 

No...that's not enough, a thunderstorm is needed to strike your soul.

Or perhaps I should be like the earth?

The quake that violently shakes your pride and foundation,

I may not grab you in the air but how long can you hold?

Forced to watch those around you crumble the young and old,

 Falling into the mouths of tremors collecting tolls,

Even the haven you're in shall tremble into the black hole.

But in the end no matter how many times I envision it,

I just could not deliver my vengeful spirit,

and I choose not to,

For my perseverance and patience withholds me from self-destructing,

It's for the sake of my heart to be joyous and keen.