The Longing

What is this place again..?

Oh...the black snowflakes,

It’s the time of year again,

When the air gives you…a sense of longing.

Someone once told me about that

saying birds can fly freely anywhere,

But if there was no place to rest their wings,

They might regret being born with that blessing.

A bird like that with no place to go,

Is like a person living a boring life behind a wall,

Unable to climb over or tear it down…

Is this because he doesn’t have a goal?

A boy like that living for himself,

Actually prefers the moon over the sun,

He probably doesn’t realize how colourless his life is,

But he probably felt there was something he missed.

A loner like that living alone…

under his snow covered home,

Is no different from a workaholic,

Because once in awhile he probably

wished there is somewhere to go to…

And someone to come home too.

A single person like me

is just like a snow covered tree,

Because at this time of the year,

It makes your mind all so clear,

That you need someone so dear,

For new leaves to bloom instead of tears.

My Insomnia

Recently when I go to bed...
I just can't sleep for maybe an hour or so.

Every night my mind just replays my
young days when I was in St Joe.

I feel like my skull has already burst with those red thoughts.

You know the usual, "If only I did this, if only I did that."

Things would be really different if I took another road.
But even if I did...will my character be like today?

Definitely not.

The future is sure scary when you don't know what's coming.
I mean, anything can happen right?

But I guess that's what makes life kinda fun sometimes...
because it's unpredictable.

Not unless if we go on our lives with the same routine everyday,
it gets meaningless doing the same thing over & over again.

Even though I do know what's my purpose on this filthy planet,
I'm being held back by all this crappy uni work.

I bet working people do feel the same too,
they wake up, go to work, eat, work again
& come back to do whatever they want.
What a boring life.

Maybe not for couples...
because they give each other love to go on,
but just for how long?

Couples that seem impossible to break is not surprising anymore,
I've seen plenty around my friends.

Come to think about it...
everything we do here is kinda useless,
Cause those things can't come with us.

Does God even care what you do in your daily lives?

Yes of course, He does love you after all.
Like any couple the boyfriend will always want
to know what did his girlfriend do today right?

...thinking more about this makes me feel dull,
maybe because I don't have anyone to share my life with.

...except God. *cough*you stalker*cough*

But I also guess this what my bro talked about,
when you do something for someone,
your life feels more complete.
...and more joy.

Kinda brings back all my silly crushes in my school life.

If my life have a save & load function to correct my mistakes...


I could/would be with her until now...

I could be one of the top students in St Joe...

I would have be more G.S. earlier...

I would have gotten my driving license earlier...

I could be one of the leaders in the prefect board...

I would have written proper english in my first blog...

I would be the AFC captain for 4 straight years...

I would have taken up Bible Knowledge for SPM...

I would have played other music
instruments besides guitar earlier...

I could have been in the english drama team...

I would have pwned every runner in
the 100m track race for 5 straight years...

and a lot more...but lastly,

I wouldn't have to dream about her almost every night too...
it haunts me, really...actually even if she was with me.
I'll prolly dream about her almost every night anyway.


But on second thought...I'm glad there's no save & load function,
because I can laugh about it when I grow old +)

The Uncoloured

Imagine yourself alone in a light-less hall,
With all the doors and windows shut,

Not even a spark of light or wind,
Do you feel...small?

As you sit in the middle of the ground,
You will feel small when you look around,
As if this room has consumed you,
And there you will see the five voids of life.

It starts with one thing in your heart
when you are in that dark mood,
Everything you see is colourless,
Lifeless to your eyes are the spring & wood.
This stage is called darkness.

When you lurk in the darkness for too long,
You try to search for light just like any sad song,
Any failed attempts make you lose hope,
Then along the way greeted you are by despair,
This is only the prequel to the nightmare.

Then came along emptiness you will meet,
Your heartbeat then will slowly lose its beat,
Making you emotionless...like a machine,
As if your soul was blown away by the wind.

Going under & deeper in the dark,
You will be lost...but not to your cark,
Just like a child who got lost in a mart,
Scared & insecure...you felt it before didn't you?

Now of all the five voids together,
Loveless is the blackest of them all,
And also the greatest sadness as well,
The need of to be loved will swell,
Assimilated you are in your own dead cell.

...yeah I know,
I never knew that hell could get so cold.

The Dragonfly

Have you ever seen a dragonfly in its final hour,

Clinging onto a wall slowly losing balance & power?
Even though its wings are shattering with decay,
It just keeps on bumping unto the light above,
Clearly a sign of desperation to breathe another day,
And surely hoping to fly up high again like a dove.

Flying around me with all of its remaining strength,
Gives me an impression of its great desire to live,
A total opposite of my shadowy null wyrm I believe.

Thoughts of you used to inspire me greatly,
But now whenever you appear he gnashes within me,
Every time he does that his eyes & smile glares black,
The same sounds of silence that echoes back to back.

But when he misses you too much I shiver in my sleep,
On my own bed I could feel myself being buried very deep,
Sometimes I need to scratch my chest to warm my heartbeat,
It helps me to suppress the coming blizzard with enough heat.

Though you are just another human to me,
Your natural charm is simply undeniable,
I hope your wings can embrace his melancholy,
With patience one day he'll stop being a love rebel.

Can you wilt away his darkening wings?
Like a newborn dragonfly breaking out of its cocoon,
He too can soon grow new ones magnificently,
Only then...he won't end up like the lifeless dragonfly beside me.

p/s: curtin text books' price are seriously too expensive! ><

The Prologue, The Root & The Epilogue

Hello boys & girls, mofos & ladies, men & women.

I shall tell you a story about a young lad,
ebiL was once the name he actually had,
Kagesh| is a playground for words in his head,
There is a meaning behind that word actually,
“Kage” is shadow & “shi” means poetry literally,
And so as you are about to listen to his Kagesh|,
About his rise & fall just like everybody,
The story itself is made out of three series.

He knew it was wrong…but he didn’t care,
He doesn’t care how many hearts he might tear,
Or how many girls will stare him with hate glares,
He was just having too much fun.

It was so fun that he even took it as a hobby,
Switching from one to another silently,
He knew only those actions can fulfill his desire,
Because nothing else could drive his heart on fire.

I still remember how happy she was,
When he held her hand in his hand,
Cunningly he gave false hope & the end…
The end of her faith in his reapers’ den.

I also remember another victim of his,
He approached her with cruel intentions,
Making her confused & not to mention,
He showed her that same fake passion.

Looking back at him made me wonder,
Whether the toyed ones have wanted him to be cursed,
After some time I’ve realized that he was the worst,
With him…I was getting away with murder.
This part of his life is called The Corrupted.

I don’t believe in karma but for some reason,
Punished he was for those hideous treason,
Which it did & it was delivered to him in person.

“We can’t be together.”

These words were just enough to dread his world…
Of shiny rainbows, red butterflies & sun flowers…
Into skies of ashes, fake moths & hollow petals.

He thought he was fine at first but…
His heart, consumed by his own shadow,
His light, swallowed by a white hollow,
His mind, became frozen by such vile,
His soul, now shines his darkest smile.

At that point his feelings became non-existent,
For that reason his eyes declined tears & lament,
Giving in forgotten emotions he became sullen.

But he continue to limped on that thorny path,
With many red thoughts scratched he hath.
This part of his life is called The Aftermath.

People say “Time will heal.” & he eventually did,
No more anger and hatred that he had always hid,
Along with empty love and trust in him he will bid,
Is there a girl willing to reach out to his lid?

So little boys & girls, mofos & ladies, men & women,
Before I finish & tell you this part of his life,
This poem does not indicate that he became strife,
Although heartless he may be with full of pride,
It doesn’t mean it stopped beating from the inside,
Thank you for taking your time for listening,
This part of his life is called The Denying.