My Insomnia

Recently when I go to bed...
I just can't sleep for maybe an hour or so.

Every night my mind just replays my
young days when I was in St Joe.

I feel like my skull has already burst with those red thoughts.

You know the usual, "If only I did this, if only I did that."

Things would be really different if I took another road.
But even if I did...will my character be like today?

Definitely not.

The future is sure scary when you don't know what's coming.
I mean, anything can happen right?

But I guess that's what makes life kinda fun sometimes...
because it's unpredictable.

Not unless if we go on our lives with the same routine everyday,
it gets meaningless doing the same thing over & over again.

Even though I do know what's my purpose on this filthy planet,
I'm being held back by all this crappy uni work.

I bet working people do feel the same too,
they wake up, go to work, eat, work again
& come back to do whatever they want.
What a boring life.

Maybe not for couples...
because they give each other love to go on,
but just for how long?

Couples that seem impossible to break is not surprising anymore,
I've seen plenty around my friends.

Come to think about it...
everything we do here is kinda useless,
Cause those things can't come with us.

Does God even care what you do in your daily lives?

Yes of course, He does love you after all.
Like any couple the boyfriend will always want
to know what did his girlfriend do today right?

...thinking more about this makes me feel dull,
maybe because I don't have anyone to share my life with.

...except God. *cough*you stalker*cough*

But I also guess this what my bro talked about,
when you do something for someone,
your life feels more complete.
...and more joy.

Kinda brings back all my silly crushes in my school life.

If my life have a save & load function to correct my mistakes...


I could/would be with her until now...

I could be one of the top students in St Joe...

I would have be more G.S. earlier...

I would have gotten my driving license earlier...

I could be one of the leaders in the prefect board...

I would have written proper english in my first blog...

I would be the AFC captain for 4 straight years...

I would have taken up Bible Knowledge for SPM...

I would have played other music
instruments besides guitar earlier...

I could have been in the english drama team...

I would have pwned every runner in
the 100m track race for 5 straight years...

and a lot more...but lastly,

I wouldn't have to dream about her almost every night too...
it haunts me, really...actually even if she was with me.
I'll prolly dream about her almost every night anyway.


But on second thought...I'm glad there's no save & load function,
because I can laugh about it when I grow old +)

The Uncoloured

Imagine yourself alone in a light-less hall,
With all the doors and windows shut,

Not even a spark of light or wind,
Do you feel...small?

As you sit in the middle of the ground,
You will feel small when you look around,
As if this room has consumed you,
And there you will see the five voids of life.

It starts with one thing in your heart
when you are in that dark mood,
Everything you see is colourless,
Lifeless to your eyes are the spring & wood.
This stage is called darkness.

When you lurk in the darkness for too long,
You try to search for light just like any sad song,
Any failed attempts make you lose hope,
Then along the way greeted you are by despair,
This is only the prequel to the nightmare.

Then came along emptiness you will meet,
Your heartbeat then will slowly lose its beat,
Making you emotionless...like a machine,
As if your soul was blown away by the wind.

Going under & deeper in the dark,
You will be lost...but not to your cark,
Just like a child who got lost in a mart,
Scared & insecure...you felt it before didn't you?

Now of all the five voids together,
Loveless is the blackest of them all,
And also the greatest sadness as well,
The need of to be loved will swell,
Assimilated you are in your own dead cell.

...yeah I know,
I never knew that hell could get so cold.