The Untitled Carol

Part 1

"Goodnight dearest." she said as she lay beside me,

Light switched off with my eyes just staring at the black ceiling, 

Time sure flies when insomnia's singing,

And by the time my eyes are finally closing,

My little baby girl started crying,

I looked at her and she was sleeping so peacefully,

I then got up and went to check on my little darling.

As the shadows fell back in the morning,

I went downstairs to have my breakfast,

And there she was in the kitchen preparing,

Dancing to a song playing on the radio,

The babysitter came early too and I let her in,

"Good morning! How is my little pudding~",

She excitedly passed by her and I,

And I resumed back on my cup sipping.

"Did you sleep well honey? <3" she asked,

I didn't reply as I was still chewing,

"She grows up fast doesn't she?

Sigh~ by the time you know it,

first baby steps…first baby words, bit by bit,

then all of a sudden, she learns to shout,

or she might become a girl scout,

and bam she's moving out,

you know…I hope that she'll-"

"Shut up."

…

I then walked out of the house and into the car,
Realizing I'm losing of what's fantasy and real,
This illusion of progress is all I can feel,  

For her presence lingers beneath my skin still,

From my rear-view mirror, clearly I can see her,
Smiling and waving, I wish I could do the same to you too girl,
But I can't anymore…for you are no longer part of this world.


Part II

"Where am I now?" I looked around and saw my employees,
"Oh right…now is a meeting." I snapped back to reality,
"Good morning, everyone! I can't wait to let you all see,
of our new theme for our next product line which is key!"
said Pride.
 As he proudly presented his presentation,
Seven colored rings were shown on the slides,
"We are targeting the young and happening market segment,
As you can see these fancy rings, 
They are following the colours of the rainbow!
With each name based on the seven deadly sins,
Don't worry, we're not naming them like the anger ring,
But it does sound opulent in Latin!" 

"Ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha…"
Fake laughters, fake laughters everywhere.

"Alright, now let me introduce you the names."
He proceeded to pronounce the rings' name steadily,
"First, we have Superbia, Avaritia, Luxuria, Invidia, Gula, Ira 
and…finally," 
He took a deep breath before finishing proudly,
"...Acedia. Thank you."

Employees around then gave him an applause,
"So what do you think, boss?"
asked Pride, with the ovation on pause,

"It's stupid."

…

"Are we trying to sell to rebellious 16 year olds?"
The one with the deep pockets are aged 40 & above!
Did anyone do any research at all?!"

…

"This is a terrible idea for our Christmas promotion.
You can all forget your Christmas bonus." I continued.
"But but but, we all met our KPI's!" said Pride,
"And increment, now get-out."
With that, the atmosphere within the room died,
One by one, they all went to hide.

"Boss, I know you're having a very rough time lately,"
said Lust as she suddenly whispered near my ear,
"If there's anything I can do, call me maybe."
Before she went out of the door, she turned and smiled devilishly,
"Anything."

From my door, I can see Envy being envious of Lust.
I can tell beauty and glamour to her is a must,
On the other hand, Gluttony enslaved himself with junk food,
After such tense rant, I guess he just wanted to relieve his mood,
And Sloth slouching on his chair, can't tell if he's being lazy or subdued.

"I need to get out of here." I sank down on my chair,
Feeling myself gasping for air in this nightmare,
I looked around on my desk and saw a picture,
It was a picture of you on a swing that I took in that park,

Without any second thought, I got up quickly and left this box-shaped cark,
Before I get myself consumed and confused again by the dark.

Parthree

Do you remember, smiling one?
This was the very same spot where I took the pic for fun,
Because you were being like a kid on that swing,
   And didn't want to go back home that evening,
To even push that empty swing to replicate the moment,
I knew at that point I was on the edge of being broken,
So I went to lie down on a seesaw nearby,
Just to keep the waterfalls from flowing out of my eyes.

After some time, I wondered why the swing hasn't stopped yet,
I looked behind and surprised to see a kid on it,
So I got up on my feet and asked the kid,
"Hey kid, you're alone? Your mom's gonna be worried."
"I don't have a mom." she said without feeling harried.

…

For some reason, I had a short flashback of how she passed away.
Due to an unfortunate car accident, back in last May.

…

"She died years ago."
"Well, I'm sure your dad must be wondering where you are."
"My dad doesn't know and doesn't care, so don't worry.
He's never at home and when he is…he's always angry.
I don't like to be home, everything is amiss.
Why did it become like this,
…why do I even exist?"

…

Where am I now?
"So have you decided on her name?"
Yes, that's right…it was before my love gave birth then,
It was a bit eerie looking at myself with her and bam,
It was time for the little one to come out and man,
Never felt so excited and anxious at the same time.

Every second felt like a millennia in the hospital,
Whispering small prayers for her delivery success,
Little by little it helped me to calm down my stress,
"Mister-"
"How's she?!" I interrupted him before he could finish calling,
"The baby girl's fine and your wife's stabilizing.
Congratulations!"

Yes, that's right…now I remember,
For He knows the plans He has for me,
Plans to prosper me and not to harm me,
Plans to give me hope and a future.
That's the reason of her existence,
That should be my reason to go to the distance.

…

"So, are you now ready to let me go?"
I wanted to say no but I know I had enough so,
Without saying anything at all,
I smiled and just looked at her on that swing again,
To appreciate the moment that was coming to end,
And like in the movies, she spirited away with the wind,
Her voice also no longer lingers beneath my skin.

Inevitably, I will and still miss her,
Even so I'm still blessed with my little girl,
Like your mother and Him, you're as precious as a pearl,
Kerrigan, you too can bring faith, hope and love to the world.

Merry Christmas =)

The Unknown

Evening my friends and family, why art thou still up at this late hour?

Since Halloween is still young, why not stay awhile and listen,

For I have a short tale to tell, don't worry it's not violent nor vulgar, 

Certainly no goosebumps while you read and getting your heart frozen.

It was night time then, I was in the backseat with my parents driving,

On the way to the church, cruising along the familiar Pujut neighbourhood,

And as usual, out of the window passing by the houses day dreaming, 

Keeping my mind to myself, peace and quiet it was all good.

Until a few seconds later…I had a sudden realization. 

Of what I saw a few seconds ago, causing some confusion.

Rewinding the images I had in my mind, even though it was for a split second, 

I still remember it vividly, something kinda weird I reckoned,

The house was kinda dark with the patio orange lights on half dimmed. 

Under the shelter, was a car. And beside the car was something grim. 

A woman in white,

Typical, isn't that right?

The woman was standing beside the car, facing the door, 

She had long black hair, all the way over her shoulders,

And all she did was just standing there on the floor,

Don't know what for, nor does her body looked sore,

But one thing for sure, she was as still as a royal soldier. 

"Ok…so that may be creepy but,

what's so scary about that?

It's not like she suddenly chased you like a swarm of gnats,

or like from that car scene from Shutter what." 

Indeed she didn't my friends, that'd be terrifying!

But remember that I said her hair was lengthly?

It was pretty long that I couldn't tell which way she was facing,

So that being said, that's really eerie if you ask me.

But then again it was dark and the car was moving fast,

Passing by that house within a second that didn't even last, 

It could have something else, like the only hanging pillow sheet,

Or a woman's white pajamas together with a black fluffy pleat,

Whether or not if it was just my scumbag brain playing tricks or treat,

Whatever it was I saw on that night at the backseat,

It kinda creeps me out every time I think about it.

So…yeah that's all of my bedtime halloween story bodyevery,

Happy Halloween :3

The Gift

The one you love can give you the most strength,

Can also leave you at your weakest,

And the love that inspires you to go such length,

Can also bring you down to the blackest,

So as our gift too.

My gift of remembering vividly and expressing through words,

Is not something everyone can do,

Through various art forms eventually, I can envision myself into many worlds,

Although imaginary, it feels wonderful, 

But sometimes...unpleasant.

Day 40, April 29th

I dreamed a dream when I was still in high school,

And you were by my side, so perfect,

Together with no words spoken, the world we already ruled, 

With you by my side, I will protect.

Then I suddenly dreamed I was in a grand prom, 

Everyone was there, but you,

I searched endlessly for you so I roamed,

In the end, they danced but us two.

Day 51, May 10th

I dreamed from where I left off, I was in a metropolis,

People, people everywhere,

Still no sight of you, my peace continued to cease,

  No air no air, such nightmare.

Day 90, June 17th

I then dreamed where I finally got a house,

In a countryside, the green grassy plains,

 Beautiful, just like how you wanted.

  I also dreamed an earthquake roared as quiet as a mouse,

In an instant, I heard you shrieking in pain,

Terrified, I've never felt so daunted.

And before the dream ended from being aroused,

In my delusion, I failed to see you again,

Let down, the cracked holes left me taunted.

Day 110, July 7th

I had a dream with my friends in a singing room,

Together, we sang sorrow,

And out of nowhere, you appeared by my side.

Eye to eye, as if we were staring at the moon,

Together again, we refused to withdraw,

With you by my side, our lips then softly collide.

Thinking back, I've always wondered what your kiss meant,

It felt so real and full of life, as if like it was God sent.

But why did it feel that it was the last goodbye?

I know I won't get anywhere if I try to ask why,
Even if you see me cry with your very own eyes,

As I know that was the very last dream about you,

Same goes to this poem too...

The last poem I'm ever writing being a lovefool.

So long.

The Seven

 A rainbow has seven colours,

But in actual fact there are many more others,

As our eyes are limited by four different receptors,

One each for red, green, blue and violet, no further.

Just like me, though I've met many attractive girls,

Only seven have made a difference in my world,

Like how guys would say “she's like a diamond to me.”

But in my case, I see their auras pretty differently.

First, there was light. She was the first to melt my frost armour,

I felt alive just as how the sun gives life to the flowers planted by a farmer,

She never fails to shine brightly whenever she flashes her smile,

It would make anyone run for her even if it was a thousand miles,

But like the distance between the sun and earth,

There were many just not good enough for her worth,

A decade long of chasing the unattainable dream,

A year long to build self-confidence through her gleam.

And a day to turn the rainbow, butterflies & falling petals,

Into skies of ashes, fake moths & paper flowers,

All she wrote was “We can't be together.”,

Though that time I was in the world of pain,

I adapted the bane and let it flow through my veins,

So to say, she was the first to make me crumble and fall,

Hey that's ok, because until today I still can't see her aura at all.

Lost my way, the black red thoughts blurred the rays,

For letting them roam that was the price that I had to pay,

Restless and no peace for me to lay, then came along a silver fay,

She's small and fragile, but it's so that she can sit on my shoulders,

To remind me to endure with the light in a mist of daggers,

So with her patience I stopped role playing the lone ranger,

So in return, I too, will look out for her if she faces danger.

So there was also this girl that I met in my first-year course,

Ever since then until now she became my right hand rose,

It's kinda funny coz back in high school she and I weren't that close,

Same goes to her too with her heart shut froze from foes,

Although both of them are the ideal girl that I'd like to have,

It's just that if I snatched her away I'd be convicted of theft,

And to pursue her out of bereft just wasn't right so I left.

Left to pursue somebody, someone like the sun to save my breath from death,

And true enough, through the dusk I was greeted by the stardust from above,

Enchanted then infatuated, I thought I was what she was looking for in love,

Blinded then disappointed, the feelings of going nowhere I quickly shoved,

But nonetheless, her stars still accompanied me through my continuous rove,

As a reminder not to lose hope no matter how hopeless it may seem,

As a reminder that I'm never really alone nor forgotten by Him.

I still remember you of course, and sometimes I wonder how you are doing,

Our past early mornings till the late evenings, the way we used to tell each other everything,

We had our cheesy moments and stings, but that was what strengthen our bond and feelings,

Despite a black wind took you away without letting me knowing why,

I just want to thank you for everything we went through even though there were no goodbyes,

I learn a lot about myself much better, I went through hell again to pick myself up again stronger,

I learn to love again with you, and thank you for the love you returned too,

You were the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, a painful blessing is what you were to me.

 So this ends my short story of the seven,

And how each step I got closer to heaven,

To the celestial six that I've mentioned,

This is how you ladies caught my attention,

Your power to bring us men to another dimension,

Out of love, we'd break our limits to a higher ascension.

Please don't ever stop shining :)

The Umbra

Someone once told a young man that,

“We've all got both light and dark inside us,

What matters is the part we choose to act on,

That's who we really are.” he said.

But how do we know if we are the dark just?

Or we secretly stand in the light of wrong?

Someone once burnt my soul so bad,

That it was then when my hollow-self was born,

The black rage resided itself within me,

It grew stronger till I stopped being sad,

Because by then the perfect sky was already torn,

And I accepted oblivion's embrace unconsciously.

Sometimes once in a while, I like taking midnight walks,

As I enjoy strolling through the dim lights in the alley,

With the soothing wind blowing and kissing my heart,

A time of reflection, a time of non-existing talks,

Would be nice to have company though like Jack and Sally,

But then again who is brave enough to journey in this shade of art?

Sometimes once in a while, a blackout would occur in this town of mine,

And the last time it happened, it lasted from dusk until dawn,

As night fell, the whole place was swallowed into the abyss,

Though some candles lit, I turned away not because I was blind,

But I felt whole again, as my apprehension was already long gone,

Whole again, as I returned to the form of essence which I missed.

Sometimes once in a blue moon, I would lay down and look at the stars...

Wait, what stars? They've never shown themselves to me in my blackest nights,

And if I wanted to see some lights, I would prefer to watch the world burn,

Watch the world burn for it brings me the warmth from my scars,

Watch the world burn for the people who gave me unfilled plights,

Watch the world burn for the wisdom, justice and love that I yearn.

Someone once shared a quote with me saying,

“The great thing to remember that,

Though our feelings come and go,

God's love for us does not.” she said.

Even so, I'm struggling and fighting hard from decaying,

But I guess the stars back then was to fill the hole,

Filled with its stardust, His creation I was in awe,

And why I wasn't meant for you...I guess someday we'll know.